Update on current project!

So i don't really write on this blog lots but i'm aiming to now do a post every two weeks so i have something to actually say about my work!

I have some back of the camera sneak peaks for you on my current project. A bit of background info for you, it's on myself and i'm exploring the use of therapeutic photography as my main aim in life is to eventually become and art/photo therapist! and as i am not trained in any way shape or form and don't want to mess up someone else's brain i'm doing it to me!

I'm kinda apprehensive about this project because i really am laying myself bare and opening up more than i ever have to my own family! so it's a kinda out there thing to do but also something i'm really enjoying and learning a lot from doing.

 Okay so as you can see for someone like me who hates having there picture taken (which is what im exploring and the reasons why) let a lone with no make-up on and my hair slicked back and bare skin so i have no where to hide is a pretty big deal for me! but i have a crit tomorrow so i'm kinda sharing it here so i'm less scared haha so the writing on my face is what family members, or other people have said to me and how i feel about my body image and in particular my weight i guess. I put my hair right back and decided to make it look as if i am bare because i kinda want it to be a metaphor that i am laying how i feel bare and expressing how i feel through this process of image making. It did actually make me feel better writing these things down on my body i have so many issues with and that other people seem to have issues with!

This image represents how i kinda of hide behind my hair, even if i have it up for work for example i always kinda drag bits down to shape my face because it makes me feel more comfortable and it really made me reflect on why i do that, why i sit with a cushion every time i sit down or wear a top the size of a tent - i'm constantly thinking about hiding myself away. I've been researching Judy Weiser's five photo therapy techniques, these three being self portraits and making images in one so reflect and kinda get out how i feel to release some of that emotion.

Again back to making images i decided to do a rough photo montage of what i feel equates to the perfect body, style and life. So we have elsie's kitchen from a beautiful mess, zoella's face and hair, in the frow top half and lily pebbles legs. I have started a beauty blog and i thought it would make me feel even more inferior but actually i just kind of look up to these people and it's more of an inspiration than feeling worse about myself so i really enjoyed thinking about the different parts to include and inspiring myself that this can be achieved or i can at least strive to live the life and carry the style off that i wish to.

Another photo-therapy technique is to look at an image that someone else have taken of you to reflect on how they've captured you is different to what you thought of yourself. Now this should of been a joyous occasion as it was my friends 21st but actually all i could think about was how frumpy and disgusting i thought i'd looked when really i'd lost a stone and a half to fit in that dress and i should be proud of myself but instead i think about how long i have to go and can't help but get a big red marker and circle everything i don't like about myself! At the same time on reflection it was a nice weekend where i really felt like i was part of a group but then i have the devil on my shoulder or a certain person telling me how i used to look better and it's a shame i've dyed my hair it used to be such a lovely colour yada yada yada when dying my hair is what makes me feel happier and more comfortable in myself!

So this project is a bit different and it really is a journey! and above are examples of just some of the stuff I've been doing. Like i said it's a very personal project and one that i have to talk about at uni during a crit so i just wanted to put myself out there on here as a kind of practice run! :/ so yes it is photography but perhaps not in the way many people may be used to viewing it as! but it's a learning curve and the topic of photo-therapy and therapeutic photography is incredibly interesting and reading about other peoples journey's is very moving so i'm hoping maybe my work will get people thinking about their own body image and perhaps find positive's they couldn't see before and deal with what they don't like and find a way to be happy in their own skin and listen to themselves instead of others.
- Amy.